Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Sarawak PM Speaks?

Monday, October 06, 2008

Since the 4 Horsemen have once again ganged up and decided to horse around and put Sarawak Headhunter's words into the mouth of "the Sarawak PM" (whoever that is or will be), under grave provocation Sarawak Headhunter has decided to reproduce in full the so-called interview with "the Sarawak PM" together with necessary comments and corrections (in red as usual).

Interview with Sarawak PM

First draft October 5, 2008;


“ Would you be willing to trade all of days, from this day to the next general election, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell the Malayans that they can be our friends but they cannot be our kings!” – James anak Bond (paraphrase William Wallace's).

Interview with Sarawak PM
By The Four Horsemen

1. The menace of Malaya
2. The fantasy of Malaya
3. Anwar for Sarawak?
4. Dayak the spoiler – Again
5. Malaya pleas
6. Anwar starts a revolution
7. Sarawak the prostitute
8. Sarawak Supremacy

Sarawak Prime Minister

Why does the Sarawak PM look so much like James Brooke? Only the 4 Horsemen can answer this. Does this mean that Sarawakians are still living in the century before the last?

A special guest is featured at “The Breakfast Show With The Four Horsemen” tonight (nevermind the ‘breakfast’ and ‘tonight’ it’s always dark in here anyway). That person is none other than the Prime Minister of Sarawak himself, yes, the Prime Minister of Sarawak, hereinafter expressed as “Sarawak PM”. Give him a round of applause everyone.

Brief profile: The ousted Sarawak Prime Minister has been living in exile since September 16, 1963 following a non-violent coup de’tat led by Malaya-based UMNO. He now returns to reclaim the helm and restore his honour. First, he must displace Pehin Sri Abdul Taib Mahmud, the Chief Minister of Sarawak, stand-in who has been living like a king during the Prime Minister’s long absence.

James anak Bond will gauge the feeling of the Sarawak Prime Minister regarding nationwide affairs now involving Sarawak, population 2.3 million plus 4. Among highlights tonight is Anwar Ibrahim, out-of-jail politician who wants to become Malaysia’s 6th Prime Minister. The issues are aplenty. The theme is “Sarawak joins Malaya”.

As usual, Haji Julaihi Haji Suut being Speaker to Dewan Selamba reminds all participants to observe the house rules. He cautions Devil especially to mind his language. Knight is in charge of security. In the meantime, he is given liberty to chip in any time during the interview. Apparently, it is Devil who is very eager to butt in. Before Julaihi could finish reading the rules and regulations, Devil is already standing up.

The menace of Malaya

DEVIL: I never can understand the way of the Malayans. They throw their fists in the air and shout Malaya Boleh! But they cannot run, they cannot race, cannot win. They cannot act and sing. They make hell lot of noise like flies over a lump of shit about their little achievement. I have no problem with that. When they start boasting about that little victory, I still have no problem with that. The problem is when they stop there and refuse to do better. If they think Sungai Gabai waterfall in Ulu Langat is something to shout about try going to Lambir Waterfall in Miri to know what beauty of nature is really about. Lambir Miri don’t charge RM2 per car entry and 50 cents for a trip to the toilet!

But the fact is these Malayans are like frogs under a coconut shell. They don’t know what is going on elsewhere. They don’t even care to know! I doubt they even know the world is round. They don’t know their country extends until the Philippines border. Their country is Kuala Lumpur and therein dwell their backward mentality.

They cannot drive anything bigger than a van, always crash on the highway. They cannot work with pipes, always leaking. They cannot build airport, the runway can go blackout. They buy a lot of fighter jets only to crash-land all of the jets during training. They boasted about having submarines, but a country as small as Singapore can bully them. They send their children to a military programme, but only to feed the Malayan soldiers with endless stream of young girls to rape. That is the way of the Malayans!

They said they’re a civilised modern nation with many skilled workers. But when the sons of Malaya pushed their airlines to a point of near bankruptcy they import Orang Ulu expert from Sarawak highland to rescue the industry. Yet this big-headed Malayans can think they’re many class higher than the Orang Asli?!

Malaya is doomed to self-destruction. The only thing they’re good at is thieving. They steal money from people to build a palace in Port Klang. The steal from National Treasury to finance a white elephant project in England. They steal heroes from elsewhere and make them heroes of their own in their history book. They steal arts from Indonesia. They steal identity from China, India, and Middle East. They steal fuel from Sarawak and God knows what else they will steal to feed their ego and glamour.

This Malayans are crazy about glamour anyway in everything they do. They can volunteer themselves to prison so the whole of the country start asking what they’re doing there. They talk like Degree graduates but can go wrong with thing as little as their own country’s birthday. And now they want to have an ex-convict to become their Prime Minister?!

(People are stunned)
(Speechless and bowled over)

SARAWAK HEADHUNTER: No disagreement here. If Malayans want to know what Sarawakians really think of them, well here it is.

KNIGHT: What do you expect, Devil? Once a pirate always a pirate. That’s what you get when the rubber tappers, the coolies and tin miners choose their Kapitan.

JULAIHI: Kanak-kanak sekalian, awak berdua perlu berkelakuan sopan di hadapan Yang Amat Berhormat Perdana Menteri Sarawak.

SARAWAK PM: I do not mind. Somehow, I can agree with Devil and Knight there. Of course, Mr Julaihi, you have to live long enough in this country to know the truth in that.

(Julaihi blushes)
(Devil high-fives Knight)
(Knight tries to high-five Bond)
(Bond refuses)

BOND: With due respect, Mr Prime Minister, I must say you’re courting troubles with the Malayans. Please retract your statement.

SARAWAK HEADHUNTER: Bond of course sang a different tune earlier on and will sing a different tune later on, something about Malayans can be our friends but not our kings.

SARAWAK PM: If that is your concern, James anak Bond, then I must say this to them: By all means bring it on!

(Loud cheering in the house)
(Bond restrains himself)
(Julaihi slams table to restore order)

BOND: Knight, terminate that frame if it is recorded on camera or strike out the writing if it is minuted down. There could be some truth in what you and Devil just said but please suspect the Malayans CANNOT handle the truth… as you put it, pirates being pirates, coolies being coolies, tin miners being tin miners.

KNIGHT: That is disrespect to the Sarawak Prime Minister if I do that, Bond. He partakes in the sin if that is a sin, an accomplice if that is a crime. What say you, Prime Minister Sir?

SARAWAK PM: I return the question to James anak Bond. What matters more, the Sarawakians' or Malayans' loss of face?

(Bond’s not willing to answer)
(Devil gestures to Sarawak PM to continue)

Sarawak Prime Minister
The fantasy of Malaya
By The Four Horsemen

SARAWAK PM: Yesterday I had the opportunity to ‘cell-talk’ with a political analyst in Sungai Buloh Penitentiary. He was detained there pending the trial over the murder of a foreign woman last year. 40 minutes later, I walked out of the prison furious.

We talked of Malaysia Day on 16 September and its significance given the current political climate of the country. Apparently, the non-Sarawakian Malaysians don’t know much about Malaysians from across the South China Sea. He was evidently surprised when I told him Sarawak delivered 30 of 31 Parliamentary seats to the BN coalition on March 8 this year, thus enabling the BN Government to continue ruling. He thought Sarawak had only nine seats.

As it turned out during our ‘cell-talk’, I had to re-educate the political analyst instead. We started with the history of Malaysia's formation when The Federated States of Malaya, Singapore, North Borneo (Sabah) and Sarawak decided to come together to form a new country in 1963. We had a heated argument when I told him Sarawak DID NOT join Malaysia. Sarawak together with others FORMED Malaysia with an 18-Point Safeguard for our autonomy.

Needless to say, over time some of the safeguards have elapsed and some have been eroded by Putrajaya to the point they are forgotten today. That he concurred instantly. But he was perplexed when I told him that whilst Sarawak recognizes Bahasa Malaysia as the official language of the country, the Sarawak legislative assembly still uses English. He denied blatantly when I told him the state of Sarawak has no official religion even though it recognizes Islam as the official religion of Malaysia.

A political analyst by profession he didn’t even know the BN in Sarawak is a totally different creature from the Malaya BN. The BN in Sarawak comprises of PBB, SUPP, SPDP and PRS. There is no UMNO, MCA, Gerakan or MIC in Sarawak. Not even a single branch of these national parties exists on Sarawak soil. And the largest of these parties, Parti Pesaka Bumiputera Bersatu (PBB) is helmed by Pehin Sri Abdul Taib Mahmud, a Melanau Muslim and not a Malay.

The racial breakdown of Sarawak is Ibans 30%, Chinese 26%, Malays 21%, Bidayuh 10% and the other sub-groups classified under Orang Ulu 5.5%. By inference, Melanaus should be 7.5%. The political analyst attacked the figures, saying my statistics should be outdated because they (BN) have brought in many illegal immigrants to boost up Malay numbers beginning mid 1980s. I told him that happened in Sabah, not Sarawak.

Therefore I ask James anak Bond and my fellow Sarawakians to start asking themselves this question: Are we going to correct the Malayans over their misconception about Sarawak or let them to continue living in their fantasy?



“We promote Sarawak Supremacy. We don’t ASK what Malaya can do for us; we TELL Malaya what they must do for us.” – James anak Bond


SARAWAK HEADHUNTER: See how inconsistent this James anak Bond can be. He doesn't want to court troubles with the Malayans yet now he wants to tell the Malayans what they must do for us. If he is a typical example of his race then Sarawakians shouldn't wonder why they are not in charge, although I suspect he knows this and so do they.

Sarawak Prime Minister
Anwar for Sarawak?
By the Four Horsemen

JULAIHI: Demikian tadi hujah-hujah dari Perdana Menteri Sarawak yang bernas dan padat dengan fakta-fakta sejarah untuk dihayati sekalian rakyat Malaysia. Sebagai menyahut cabaran beliau, pakcik akan turut sama-sama berjuang disamping rakyat Sarawak untuk terus menegur kesilapan orang-orang Malaya yang buta sejarah.

Kalau roboh kota Melaka
Papan di Jawa kita dirikan
Kalau lagi Malaya tak suka
Baik pakcik dan keluarga keluar Malaysia, kan?

Kita teruskan dengan agenda-agenda mesyuarat. Silakan, Enchik Bond… ucapan pembuka tabir.

BOND: Mr Prime Minister of Sarawak, thank you for coming to our show tonight. First and foremost, I must say You rock! That I would offer if I were one of Rentap’s lieutenants. From Taib Mahmud’s balcony across the Sarawak River, I would screech you suck. But personally, I admire your spirit. You continue to fight for our rights. Keep it rolling, sire. If going up is hard, try going down sometime.

SARAWAK PM: Thank you for the compliment, even if rather backhanded. I would prefer if the people of Sarawak ‘rock’, as in rock and roll over Taib’s boat.


BOND: We can talk about Taib in his wobbling boat a little bit later in the interview. Before anything, we need to establish your credentials. As the Prime Minister of Sarawak since 1910 when Sarawak discovered oil in Canada Hill Miri, you report only to Council Negeri, and only a Council Negeri can review your position. Now the Council Negeri has been abolished your position has become immortal. I hope I got that correct.

(Sarawak PM nods)

BOND: I gather you’re a practical person and that you meant well in your ‘boat-rocking’ politics. Your often-stimulating views over matters related with Sarawak conformed to the feelings of Sarawak majority and little surprise you are popular among the natives. However, as in any democratic countries, your free-flowing views can feed your critics with something to shout about. In Bond’s language, something to shoot you for (*Winks).

SARAWAK PM: I remember the shooting, Bond. You missed my head by this much that I can’t tell if that bullet was for me or Taib Mahmud next door.

(*Ignoring the sarcasm) But who are we to dictate your line of thought in this area of politics. You have reasons to believe you’re in the right; I have my reasons to believe otherwise. Far be it I make the exception today, but can the word ‘compromise’ appeal to you?

Yes, I believe I am a practical person and I do mean well for the poor people of Sarawak generally. But let's make one thing clear from the start. There are certain things I can compromise on of course, but certainly not corruption and abuse of position in government.

Well said, sir. Do you think Anwar Ibrahim can resist the temptation of corrupt gains? Can he restrain his staff from abusing their positions in the government? Can he govern righteously when Lim and his clan start messing up in his Cabinet? Before you answer those questions, I invite you and your army of headhunters to suspect a thing or two about Anwar Ibrahim. Keep the faith in him but at the same time have some reservations about this man because not everything that glitters is gold.

My friend, fellow Sarawakians and headhunters, I am far from enamoured with Anwar or any other Malayan for that matter. I have more than some reservations about him and I certainly agree with you that not everything that glitters is gold – for I have seen gold turn into shit and shit turn into gold.

… angel turns into devil, devil turn into Anwar.

Where is Anwar now – angel or devil?

Anwar is hell bent to take the whole of Malaysia, that is Malaya plus Sabah and Sarawak, if he has his way, Knight. Our hope is he would take over the country’s helm by fair play, not by means of crook or dishonesty.

I think you are not so naive to believe that anything is fair in politics. How do you play fair against opponents who are crooked and dishonest? We can try of course and try we must, but let us not be naive to believe that Anwar will play fair. Dare we hope that he has changed from his days with UMNO?

You’re saying it’s one crook Anwar against the other crooks? And we are to choose between two crooks and that the lesser crook will become the Prime Minister of Malaysia? Thank you very much, Mr Sarawak Prime Minister, but that certainly hurt my moral. I might as well stick with the first crook – Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. If anything, his name is longer.

SARAWAK PM: No comment.

KNIGHT: It’s not the choice between Anwar and Abdullah, Bond. It is between Pakatan Rakyat and BN.

BOND: If I may share with you my superficial observation, my friends, we cannot say we want Pakatan Rakyat not Anwar Ibrahim. Anwar and Ibrahim are one; Pakatan Rakyat and Anwar are one. Anwar and Pakatan Rakyat must be spoken in one breathe. Pakatan Rakyat is actually born out of the struggles in KeAdilan; KeAdilan is bor out of the struggles in Anwar Ibrahim.

SARAWAK PM: Do we want or even need Pakatan Rakyat?

(Everyone’s stunned)

SARAWAK PM: We may have to seek a strategic alliance with Pakatan Rakyat for the short term gain of change, for better or for worse, but in the long term I believe Sarawakians should go on their own without any interference from the Malayans. We can and we should.

KNIGHT: Strategic alliance?

DEVIL: Short-term gain?

JULAIHI: Sarawak merdeka?

BOND: Are you thinking what I’m thinking now, pakcik?

JULAIHI: Sarawak gunakan Anwar dan Pakatan Rakyat sebagai batu loncatan? Sebab sekarang kerajaan BN Persekutuan sangat lemah dan kita mengintai peluang untuk membuat satu desakan atau ugutan terhadap Malaya. Semakin Malaya huru-raya oleh Anwar dan Pakatan Rakyat semakin besar peluang kita untuk memberi syarat-syarat kita kepada Malaya. Kalau tidak dilayan, Sarawak akan mengamuk. Begitu ya?

I didn’t mean that initially but now you mentioned it I must say why not, Sarawak Supremacy must be upheld… to whatever end!

SARAWAK HEADHUNTER: For the sake of all Sarawakians, let us hope that by "Sarawak Supremacy" Bond does not mean "Iban/Dayak Supremacy".

DEVIL: Welcome aboard, Sarawak Prime Minister. Or, you should welcome us four aboard. Let’s gang up on Malaya! Bond, do the William Wallace’s speech again please. Thank you. Love you.

(*Paraphrasing William Wallace’s) “Would you be willing to trade all of days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell the Malayans that they can take our life but they cannot take our freedom?!”


(Knight exchanges look with Julaihi)
(They shake their head)

Sarawak Prime Minister
Dayak the spoiler – Again.
By The Four Horsemen

KNIGHT: So what was that you were thinking earlier, Bond?

BOND: Oh that. Thank you, Knight, I almost forgot. I was to tell pakcik about how the Dayak can finally think straight for their warped future at least once in their lifetime (*Laughing).

Now I regret asking. So can we expect to see a united force of Dayak soon?


SARAWAK PM: And why is that?


Dayak being Dayak they enjoy killing each other, in political sense. Don’t ask me which Dayak tribe is murderous in this sense. Sadly for Sarawak, the murderers are everywhere in the state. – James anak Bond


BOND: Our history books are thick with accounts of Dayaks blowing up their chances all for the sake of personal glory. Do you want me to go into detail?

NO! Everyone

JULAIHI: Kembali ke Anwar.

DEVIL: Strange bin ajaib. Now the Dayaks want to carry the flag of Anwar Ibrahim, a Moslem, a Malayan, someone who cannot even eat from the same bowl with the uncircumcised Dayak? Haven’t they learnt, Anwar only respect their number not their spirit. Haven’t they learnt, in the name of politics one can bluff about all races and all religions being equal? Haven’t they learnt, after a battle is won men will return to their old ways, their old sins.

JULAIHI: Cukuplah tu, Devil.

Shut up, pakcik! Over one million of Dayaks in Sarawak not even one from among them is man enough to champion the Dayak course?! Now they want to ‘outsource’ the job to Anwar Ibrahim? These Dayaks are strange hornbills. Owh, silly me, I forgot. I forgot there were Dayak leaders who had tried to become their hero. But another villain Dayak pulled that Dayak down before he can do anything. Even hornbills can flock and fly together, but not Dayak. The Dayak tribes are doomed to squabble like rashes under their cawat. Under that cawat they eat their own scrappy johns.


DEVIL: No surprises to me to see the Dayaks eagerly join the army of Anwar Ibrahim. Because they’re Dayaks. We know how the Dayaks are, don’t we? Say something nice to them, promise a little something to them, slip some money in their cawat and abracadabra! you have their daughters waiting in your kelambu. They’re sooooooooo easy to butter up just as they’re so easy to make angry. Oh, friends, when a Dayak is angry with even a mosquito he can burn down his house.

(Someone’s rolling on the floor laughing)

DEVIL: Owh I think I know what the Dayaks are thinking right now. They want my head. They can do exactly that. You mess with the barbarians expect barbaric treatment.

Ever wonder how my beloved Taib Mahmud can remain Chief Minister of Sarawak until today, until he can groom his son to take over from him? Because some Dayak dogs suck up to him. Strange bin ajaib, these Dayak dogs bark at and bite only the Dayaks. Put the Dayak dogs in front of a monkey from Rembau or tapir from Sungai Siput or chicken from Putrajaya… you’ll see the dog running away with tail between its legs. Yes, yes, yes, I know the Dayaks are fighters. They fight everyday. But when it matters, when we expect them to bark and bite… the fight in them is suddenly gone. How come? That, devils and gentlemen, is the Dayak Syndrome!


“If I were Anwar Ibrahim I would study the psyche of the Dayaks before I can think of leading them. When a Dayak envies another Dayak, Anwar’s nationwide campaign can suffer from treachery and deceits from within. The spoiler is always the Dayaks. That I can swear over the grave of PBDS.” – By James anak Bond.


DEVIL: The Dayaks can never learn from mistakes because Dayaks never make mistakes. The ROS make mistakes, Taib Mahmud and Abdullah Badawi make mistakes, the BN make mistakes, the whole country make mistakes. Dayak never make mistakes. When they cook up animal before the animal is even dead, that is the correct way to cook animal. Try telling them it is not right and see who ended up in the cooking pot. They can never learn. They can never learn…

JULAIHI: Cukuplah itu, Setan! Kat luar sana mungkin dah beratus-ratus orang Dayak menangis geram kerana kata-kata awak di sini. Bond, baik awak teruskan sesi perbincangan kita. Bercakap tentang Anwar SAHAJA tanpa melibatkan Dayak. Jangan lagi menghasut si-Devil.

Sarawak Prime Minister
Malaya pleas
By The Four Horsemen

SARAWAK PM: Ehemm! Before James anak Bond continues to sway our faith in Anwar Ibrahim, allow me to share a story with everyone here. A Malayan friend met me the other day. He conveyed the wish of the Malayans. They hoped we could listen to their pleas for help and help them to break free from their yoke.

They hoped we could help them for we have nothing to gain by providing the Malaya BN 30 votes in Parliament and perpetuating an unjust Federal Government. Sarawakians, he said, are now presented with a chance to help their Malayan brothers and sisters to free themselves from suffering under the yoke of racial politics.

We know why Sarawak didn't swing on March 8 like the Malaya did. We never felt threatened by the UMNO ruling elite so long as Chief Minister Taib Mahmud could keep the racial politics of UMNO, MCA and MIC out of Sarawak.

We are now looking at a situation where we have a weakened BN in Malaya. The question is will these four Sarawak BN parties – PBB, SUPP, SPDP and PRS – put some distance between themselves by renaming themselves and restate their politics in the national sense. Note that I did not say withdrawing since they have been independent all these while. That way we can free the Malayans from the BN.

And what was your answer to the Malayan friend?

That I will convey the message to as many Sarawakians as I can find and leave it to the Sarawak public to decide on that. It’s a long way to the BN parties, I know. At least we start somewhere.

Your decision personally?

I’m not at liberty to disclose that.

(*Turning to Julaihi, Knight and Devil) Guys, someone has finally recognised the “Sarawak Supremacy”. How should we go about this? Our PM here is playing safe, speaking in riddles, much like an Abdullah. Assuming they’re only four of us in Sarawak and someone from Malaya has come to ask for our help. What is our decision?

DEVIL: Why should I help them break free from that yoke? It’s the same yoke they used to flatten land in Sarawak to fatten their own Peninsula. For a good 45 years, they hijacked much of economic opportunities in this country to Malaya until they can build Twin Towers and a Formula One circuit. They didn’t even stop to ask if we are hurt by that. Now they want us to free them from their burden? What about our burden? We put up with this burden for 45 years. Already they hijacked our economy, now they want to hijack our politics, too?

Why only now they recognize our ‘Sarawak Supremacy’? Why only when they’re desperate for change? Where’s the sincerity in that plea?

BOND: Julaihi?

JULAIHI: Entahlah, Bond. Kalau nak pakai hati dan perasaan untuk mempertimbangkan permintaan mereka memang pakcik akan sedia menghulur bantuan kepada orang-orang Malaya. Mereka pun saudara seMalaysia kita juga. Tapi bila terkenangkan kata-kata si-Devil tu… ada juga kebenarannya. Jadi geram pulak pakcik dibuatnya.

Macam ini sahajalah. Pakcik sarankan kita contohi teladan Perdana Menteri Sarawak. Apa-apa pun keputusan masing-masing, jangan umumkan. Simpan baik-baik, fikir panjang-panjang, sehingga tiba waktunya bila keputusan itu boleh membuat satu perubahan drastik. Ketika itulah kita pertaruhkan segala-galanya.

Kalau hendak beritahu apa yang tersirat dan tersurat dalam pemikiran pakcik sekarang, ada antara kita yang akan menyokong pandangan pakcik dan ada pula yang membantah. Akhirnya nanti kita bergaduh lah pulak.

Boringlah this pakcik. Speak like poetry. I say we must reject the pleas from Malaya! I say we must invade Malaya instead! The time is now while Anwar Ibrahim’s wrecking havoc in Putrajaya. Raise your hand if you agree!

(No hands)

Sarawak Prime Minister
Anwar starts a revolution
By The Four Horsemen

DEVIL: So to the Malayans this I say unto you: We have been treated unfairly by you, we have been deprived of many opportunities by you, we don’t have much money now because of you. We have problems of our own. So your problem is your own problem, you fix it. Your shit is your shit; you pick up your own litter. You stay in Malaya and leave my Taib Mahmud alone!

JULAIHI: Dah lah tu! Bila lagi kita nak mula berbincang pasal Anwar Ibrahim ni! Huh, sampai bila nak dengar awak berleter. Bond, awak mulakan cepat-cepat sebelum si-Setan ni melatah lagi.

So what do you think Anwar is doing in Sarawak now, huh? Is that not making the same pleas to the Sarawakians? He needs the Sarawakians to help him topples Abdullah government. Why only now? Why only now he’s making nice with Sarawak? Where was he before this?

He was in jail for many-many years, Devil. He has a good alibi. Can I continue with my discussion with Sarawak PM here without your sense of racism?

KNIGHT: Is Malayan a race, Bond? Is Dayak a race? What racism?

Dengan itu pakcik sebagai Speaker Dewan menarik balik hak bersuara Devil selama 5-minit sebagai denda melanggar Peraturan 3(5) Dewan Selamba. Bagi sini microphone tu. Akan dipulangkan selepas tamat tempoh denda. Awak pulak, Knight, jangan menghasut Devil. Amaran terakhir buat awak.

What’s Peraturan 3(5)?

Interrupting. Dog in the manger.

JULAIHI: Silakan, Bond, jangan buang masa.

BOND: (*Clears throat) Now fully fledged, Anwar has grown into some kind of a cult icon overnight that eclipsed all other names and meanings. He must remains atop the pyramid of power to keep everyone united in the Pakatan Rakyat movement. In worse case scenario, take out Anwar from the structure and everyone around him will fall to pieces. After that happened we are returned to the same old days when DAP is made in Taiwan and PAS is made in Mecca.

Popularity, though to some extent – some may even say a great extent – necessary, cannot be made a yardstick for performance. We have seen how the BN and Taib can still remain "popular" even without any real performance. Yes, Anwar and his charisma make a good lubricant to ease the way to victory, but only because the BN refuses to learn its lessons and listen to the voices of the people.

Becoming a "cult icon" as you put it also has its disadvantages, especially when people realise that Anwar is only human. But I wouldn't say that taking Anwar out of the scenario would return things to the same old days. Malaysia would be drastically changed by such an event, and people who rise against the tyranny of the BN will also learn not to depend only on Anwar for change. Change for the better will only take place when people take that change into their own hands and not depend on others to effect it for them.

That’s our hope, sir. I agree with you we cannot depend only on Anwar for change. Unfortunately, we depend solely on him for change. It seems that our mentality has been trained that way. The BN Government has been a pain to many quarters for many, many years even since Mahathir’s time but only after Anwar drew the first blood with Abdullah that the country erupt like a punctured bee hive. Why only now the sudden buzzing from everyone everywhere? RPK and Malaysia Today have been around years before this Anwar Phenomenon. Why things didn’t really swing then? The answer, Mr Prime Minister, we need someone to start a revolution in this country because we are not brave enough to do it on our own. Along comes Anwar Ibrahim. People are united under his wings. Shut off Anwar and everyone around him will fall to pieces. The ‘revolution’ can continue but it’s going in all different directions, DAP for DAP, PAS for PAS, Dayak for Dayak.

See how fragile is the structure we thought was strong.

Why Anwar is a favourite among Malaysians? Because Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is not the favourite. Why Abdullah is not the favourite? Because Anwar Ibrahim is the favourite. One appears timid because the other appears gregarious. Their approaches to political challenges, in principles, are similar any which way you look at it. If Anwar think he can solve the fuel price crisis Abdullah also think he can. It is also this easy last time when the choice was between Anwar and Mahathir. Yes, there were several reasons to that but for the rest of people like us we only see Anwar is gregarious but Mahathir is smarter.

The only reason why Anwar has become a favourite is because Abdullah is stupid. That only shows that in politics you can still succeed at least initially even if you are stupid, because the rest of the people are stupider than you. But do not assume that this will last forever, people learn and they become smarter and when they become smarter than their stupid leaders care to acknowledge, then a spectacular failure is in plain sight, except that in their stupidity they will fail to realise it.

DEVIL: Easy there, Mr Prime Minister, Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is Bond’s favourite.

SARAWAK PM: My condolences to Bond. (Missing from original transcript)

Even Mahathir was not really smart - he just took advantage of other peoples' weaknesses. Some may see that as evidence of smartness, but again it does not take smartness to be exploitative, just a complete lack of conscience. If that is the kind of leader that people want then they will get the leader they deserve.

Pakatan Rakyat appears righteous when many of us suspect UMNO is host to arrogant bastards. One appears good because the other one appears bad. Are they not the same one thing – political party? When UMNO Baru and Semangat 46, splinter group from UMNO, locked horns 20 years ago, I guess the choice was between Not Good and Not Bad.

This is true to some extent. Political parties are nothing more than organized vested interests. As John Jay Chapman said, "A political organization is a transferable commodity. You could not find a better way of killing virtue than by packing it into one of these contraptions which some gang of thieves is sure to find useful."

Madam Chiang Kai Shek stated it quite well when she spoke, inadvertently or otherwise, of herself and her cronies, "Every clique is a refuge for incompetence. It fosters corruption and disloyalty, it begets cowardice, and consequently is a burden upon and a drawback to the progress of the country. Its instincts and actions are those of the pack."

Sarawak Prime Minister
Sarawak the prostitute
By The Four Horsemen

SARAWAK PM: Along the same lines, as John Arbuthnot put it even more succinctly, "All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies," a fate I believe which is swiftly befalling the BN.

BOND: Why can’t we suspect Anwar Ibrahim in that light, instead of BN in that spot? Maybe his lies will catch up with him soon. He promises a lot, one wonder if he can keep his words. How much can Anwar offer that Abdullah cannot offer?

Unfortunately you are wrong here, Anwar can offer much more that Abdullah is unwilling to or cannot offer, the only difference being that Anwar is probably smart enough to know what he can get away with and Abdullah is again too stupid to realise that he can't get away with any more.

It is easier for us to compare between these two leaders because while Anwar hasn’t been tested as a Prime Minister, Abdullah on the other hand is already struggling as a Prime Minister. It’s between the Future Tense and Present Tense. The Future sounds promising when the Present is trying to fix mistakes of the Past. To think Anwar can do the Present job better than Abdullah before Anwar is tested by the job is not fair to Abdullah, not fair to us.

So give Abdullah the benefit of the doubt. Even if he should go down, let him walk out gracefully. After all, his days are numbered. Come June 2010 he’ll be gone from Putrajaya. Give him the chance to prove himself within that limited time. Even if someone should replace him prior to his dateline, nothing much the new guy can do, other than bracing up for the next election. Which Prime Minister would want to lose face during general election without having even completed one term?

How is it possible to give the benefit of the doubt to someone like Abdullah who has proven time and again "cakap tidak serupa bikin"? He does not deserve a more graceful exit than a quick boot to his backside. Why wait and prolong the agony of the rakyat? What matters more, the rakyat or Abdullah's or Najib's loss of face?

No, no, not Najib. Try Anwar as Prime Minister replacing Abdullah. Do you not think Anwar will be kept preoccupied by preparations for the next general election as soon as he took over office? In the chaos, he can get himself lost between priorities. He can forget some promises he has made to the people. He can forget Sarawak.

For that reason, Sarawak should play hard-to-get with Anwar. Sarawak must not sell herself cheap to him. If Anwar can promise to give us even an independent country, together with oil and gas royalty ‘extorted’ from us since 1963 until today, even if he can do exactly that, let him deliver his promise first before we hail him as a messiah.

I have no problem with playing hard to get so long as Taib Mahmud does not continue to get his way. Why should Sarawak sell herself cheap to Anwar or any other Malayan? Just because Taib did it – sold Sarawak cheap to the Malayans – doesn't mean we should continue to do so.

Taib is my man, you don’t simply blame him. You forgot the bigger thing Taib did for Sarawak. It’s because Taib is there, UMNO cannot come to Sarawak. Don’t forget in Sarawak there is no MIC, no MCA, no Gerakan. If Taib has been easily compromised like Abdullah or very ambitious like Anwar, Sarawak is no longer Sarawak-owned today.

(*Chuckle) Now you ruffle the feather of Taib’s fighting cock, Mr Prime Minister, please expect some hell’s coming with him. That Taib Mahmud is not exactly an angel is beside the point. Sarawakians felt that it is a lesser of two evils so long as the lesser evil can keep the greater evil away from their shores.

Anwar is a lesser of two crooks, as you have put it succinctly. Does it not hurt your morals as well because you have to choose between two evils in Sarawak's case?

(*Ignoring the question) If you would agree, Mr Sarawak Prime Minister, we fear the repeat of 1963. Sarawak don’t want to be a prostitute again, you know what I mean. If you would agree, this prostitute cannot be fooled twice.

I don't agree that Sarawak is or has ever been a prostitute, even if some of its leaders have been pimps.

DEVIL: Yeah? And that pimp is you. You and the Dayak! Taib Mahmud hasn’t even born yet when you and the Dayak smartass sold Sarawak so cheaply to Malaya in 1963. Oh sorry, Taib is already courting Laila Taib in Australia then.

What do you mean cheaply?

When you give 95% of your resources to others and keep only 5% to yourself what is that? I tell you what that is. That is selling off your daughter after a 95% discounts. You and the brainless Dayak were so gullible about running part of the independent country that you BUY a membership in the independent nation. For that bargain, you forfeit your oil, the juice of Sarawak, to Malaya. The whole of Malaya gang from Perlis to Johor later took turn to fuck Sarawak until she is now lobos. Is this what you called ‘Independent whore’?!

(Someone’s whistling)
(Someone’s furious)

SARAWAK PM: For the record, Taib was the Minister of Primary Industries appointed by the Malayans to form PETRONAS. After he had done his dirty work, and taken his cut of a tankerload of crude oil that went missing and which he and Adenan (Satem) hads sold to some "Arab-looking gentlemen" without an L/C, the Malayans kicked him to another ministry. This was Taib's and Rahman's doing, not mine. Not only the Dayaks but also the Chinese Sarawakians kept quiet because they had been bribed with timber money. (Missing from the original transcript).

I’m not sure about the whore business but I can agree with Devil about the play-hard-to-get with Anwar. Until Anwar strut his stuff, Sarawak must remain clothed.

SARAWAK PM: I don't think I like the sound of that and I certainly would not like to see Anwar strut his stuff. That is too obscene even to contemplate. Sarawak must always preserve its sanctity and its leaders must always ensure that they do so.

DEVIL: Sanctity? Sanctity my ass!

Devil, boleh kurangkan sikit kelucahan awak tak?

DEVIL: Mr Sarawak Prime Minister, your fight with Sarawak Chief Minister reminds me of Spain thousand years ago. One Spanish king quarrelled with another Spanish king. One of them invited the Moors from North Africa to join his army. The Moors came in large number and eventually overran Spain, and they lived in that new country. In the end, the country was divided in two: Christian Spain and Moslem Spain.

You don’t like Taib Mahmud. But you cannot fight him on your own. So you turn to Malaya and invite Anwar Ibrahim to aid you in your fight with Taib. Next thing you knew, Sarawak is overrun by the Malayans. All that for what? For your selfish goal, your selfish ambition to regain your honour on the Sarawak throne! But all around you the government of Sarawak has collapsed. Unless you have the might of the Reconquista and Queen Isabel of the Castille, what happens next in Sarawak cannot be reversed.

So in the end you only succeeded in dividing Sarawak in two parts. Some power-crazy Dayaks will later divide that again in many parts. There goes your Sarawak’s sanctity!

SARAWAK HEADHUNTER: This is not a likely scenario. As long as Sarawak still maintains its control over immigration, the Malayans can never overrun Sarawak. Even Anwar can be stopped from entering Sarawak.


If I have to choose a leader between a Melanau Taib who can keep Sarawak in one piece and some Dayak who love to break things… my choice will be the Dayak, because I love trouble. – Devil


BOND: I have you know, Mr Sarawak Prime Minister, we don’t believe in preserving sanctity anymore. No thanks to you, we lost the sense of identity the day you sold us to Malaya. We promote Sarawak Supremacy, instead, because we still have rights in this shared country, what few there is left, and we want them to respect our rights. We don’t ASK what Malaya can do for us; we TELL them what they must do for us.

SARAWAK PM: Madness!

DEVIL: Madness? This is Four Horsemen!!!

The Four Horsemen recite together: “ Would you be willing to trade all of days, from this day to the next general election, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell the Malayans that they can be our friends but they cannot be our kings!”

SARAWAK HEADHUNTER: Sarawak for Sarawakians!


Reproduced from
1. Al Tugauw the Sarawak Headhunter
2. Romerz from Middle Ground


James anak Bond said...

Relax Tugauw,
It's not the end of the world for either of us. Considering not many 'reds' in the long article I gather you do enjoy that sketch/drama. I'm glad you agree with Devil when he lambasted the Way of the Malayans. About James Brooke being the Prime Minister, ignore the logic enjoy the speech. Seriously, we hope you can champion the "Sarawak Supremacy" here as well. I'm sure you have your own unique style to do it. Friends have been SMSing us, they like that sense of Supremacy. But as far as Taib Mahmud is concern, you take it up with Devil -- Taib's his favourite *wink. Btw, I have sent you an email 20 minutes ago. Till then keep it ball rolling.

::: OO7 :::

LangRimba said...

Poh....really enjoy your sketch/drama, keep it up man. I fully agree with you.

tajau singa raja said...

jako ngapa???????