A Hari Raya Message For Taib

A Raya Message to Taib

Dear Taib,

Time flies fast. I sent a Raya message last year to you. It’s Raya again. You well?

It is a little malu to see a great man hanging in the air like a monkey – can’t go up (to become Governor) and can’t come down (to enjoy your the rakyat's money).

For the remaining days on earth, you should follow this wise advice, Taib!

1. Pray 20 times a day, 5 to do your duty as a good Muslim, 15 times as repentance to pay for the sins you have committed and all the wrongs and bad deeds you did in the past 30 years to the people of Sarawak. This is your first step to your eternal redemption.

2. Do not consult or even talk to your bomohs any more. Your bomohs, such as Ahmad Suut…Remember, these bomohs are the ones who prevented you from becoming Governor (because as a TRUE Muslim, it is very, very wrong to consult bomohs). By consulting and taking advice from bomohs everyday, you have not been a good and true Muslim, and therefore, you can’t be Sarawak’s Governor, because the Governor is also the Head of Muslims of Sarawak. If not for the bomohs, you could have been appointed Governor by now and be known as Tun Pehin…already. And, that poor Abang Louis at 92 is still working!!! Remember, remember this, very carefully.

3. In a few weeks or a few months time, it will be State Elections again and you will be 30 years in Sarawak politics (god willing!). As orang tua, you must always smile, be gentle and talk softly.

4. Plan your strategy carefully. Win your election and then bring Suleiman to live in Canada, the place you love so much (nice clean cool air) and or the US where you bought a mansion for US$1.00 only from Samling. Remember the time when we had haze in Kuching, it was Canada which cured your asthma, it was the clean air of Canada which saved you. Leave Sarawak to the Sarawakians. Just give the Chief Ministership to anyone of the many other capable young people in Sarawak (contrary to your belief, there are actually aplenty!). Afterall, we are living in a democratic country, are we not? The minority follows the majority. Furthermore, do you really think Suleiman is a good Chief Minister material? What happens if he start slapping our YB Fatimah (the one and only lady Minister)?

5. Dissolve CMS, Zecon, Naim, Titanium, etc etc, and start giving projects, big and small, to other companies in Sarawak. Make every body happy, not just some people around you happy. Let every contract be open tender allowing people to compete.

6. Remember the saying? Give back to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. That means you have to give back the wealth of the people of Sarawak to the people of Sarawak. Return all your ill-gotten money to the people of Sarawak immediately. You can start by giving back people’s money and not just have open house at the BCCK, giving free makan to people but paid by using people’s money (worst still, giving the catering amounting to millions to your sister).

7. From now on, eat slowly and in very small quantity. Remember the pipework in your body is not that clean and healthy anymore. According to my doctor friend, Stage 1, 2, 3…Colon cancer finishes at Stage 4 – game over!!

8. From now on until election, do not get angry with Georgie. He is not serious in leading SUPP to pull out from BN Sarawak. As someone sharing the same grandson, you should know that! He is just play-acting, sort of wayang kulit.You know, Georgie being Georgie, as soon as he has female companionship, he is like a poodle. In fact, don’t get angry with anybody. When you get angry, your blood pressure shoots up. That’s not good for an orang tua, who has had heart bypass some more in the past.

9. Always use your car whenever you go, especially during election. Don’t travel by copters. You know the records of Hornbil Airways… Oh, before I forget, don’t travel to Switzerland so much, the last time I heard, Kuching now has very good dentists, though there are also a lot of foot-massage parlours. You know frequent travel by air at your age is not very good.

10. Finally when you talk, don’t shout. People heard you shouting again recently. But I know that Najib is bothering you nowadays and giving you stress, and you shout every day. … Shouting will bring up your blood pressure. Remember that Najib is just a joker. He wants to find a girl friend for you, he wants you to enjoy life, he wants you to retire…What a joker! Does he not know you still have a lot of “preparations” to do before retirement? Who is he to ask an orang tua like you to retire, huh? Kurang ajar punya budak! Haiya, just ignore him. Look after your own health. Take good care of yourself. Enjoy your remaining days and be a very good orang tua!!

Selamat Hari Raya.

Your true friend,

Kuching Kia.